Turning 40 - Holidays Edition
Well I guess this blog is currently all about me, me, me and less about gaming for now, but whatever. Got home from work tonight and opened the mailbox to find an envelope addressed to me. The handwriting looked familiar so once I got inside I opened the card and sure enough, it was a Christmas card from my sister.
There went my mood. Already pretty unhappy as of late, this didn’t do much to improve my mood. I’m eventually just going to have to give up and face them. This has been a looming shadow for over a decade and I just don’t want to face it alone.
And once I do face them, what then? I was asked once, if I thought letting them back into my life would add anything of value to it. I thought about that for a while and I said “not really” but deep down inside I do still miss the way things used to be.
I don’t make it a secret that I loathe the holidays. Everyone is always screaming about some imaginary war on Christmas or shoving holiday cheer down your throat or ringing annoying bells asking for money or advertising the shit out of stuff you want but don’t really need. But this wasn't always the case, not back then. Well, maybe the advertising of shit you don’t need bit, that did happen. Back then it was a magical time of the year with family and presents and lots of food. I can still see the old ass kitchen with its off white cupboards, the old table in the middle of the room with the single long fluorescent light above it, set for three people: mama, myself and daddy. Three blue plates with a knife, spoon and fork at each seat. The plates are well worn as we’ve had them for as long as I can remember. They’ve survived numerous dinners, Thanksgivings, Christmases and snacks. I miss those plates sometimes.
I miss the house being filled with family and the sounds of laughter and the TV on as background noise and the constant warm and cool air and the smell of food and playing games with the other kids. The hours of fun and board games and the eventual touch of sadness when people had to leave and go back home for what felt like another year. The ‘just one more cup of coffee’ conversations and ‘just one more bite to eat’ snacks while playing.
I miss all that shit.
Now that I’m an adult, the holidays never feel magical anymore. It all just feels like one long irritating obligation. Show up, be happy, wish people a Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/whatever else happens in December, give gifts, eat until you shit yourself, sleep, and work until you drop. Why do we annually cram all this shit into ONE three week period every December? I hate to see it arrive and I’m always glad to see it go. Give me January when people will chill the fuck out and life returns to something resembling normal. When I have a few months that aren’t utter bullshit and nonsense. Maybe I just need to be filled by the spirit (of some handsome guy for a few hours) or maybe I just need to get some fucking sleep before my next shift.
Until next time…