Relationships, part 3
Sometimes it just seems like I cannot say the right thing no matter how hard I try. And it seems doubly worse when I’m talking to someone I like.
I was talking to one of the potentials just now and he gave me a compliment of sorts, then I asked him if what he said was a good thing or a bad thing. Apparently that question was the cue to psychoanalyze me when, from my side, I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just trying to keep the conversation going.
Sorry I’m so self conscious, but, I’ve been dumped twice and skipped over for “someone better” more times than I can count. Can you really blame me for thinking I’ll never be good enough for anyone?
And then to top it all off he says “soon someone is going to make you a very happy man.” Um, ok, so are you saying you’re not interested? I guess we’re not doing here what I thought we were doing. Great, more effort wasted. It’s just disheartening.
Maybe he’s just trying to help me feel better about myself. Or maybe he’s just trying to help me feel better about myself before leaving me behind like everyone else; so he can leave with a clear conscience. I get compliments on my looks all the time, but it doesn’t amount to much when nothing comes of it. If you’re not picturing a life with me I’d appreciate it if you just didn’t say such things to me at all. When I say them it’s because that’s what I’m thinking of with you. If I am expected to be built up into such a wonderful person and then left alone, with no company but myself, then I choose death over an existence of loneliness. Why would anyone want someone that’s broken or less than anyway?
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind