Relationships, part 18
Well, this vacation week started off great but has suddenly and quickly turned abysmal.
This past Friday, after acquiring my Xbox One X, Alex and I were in the drive thru picking up dinner when he decided to add me to the Discord server that he and some other of my local gamer friends were a part of. It felt good, being able to hang out and chat with them again even if it was virtual. All day Saturday while grinding away in Destiny 2’s last Faction Rally for the season (yay for getting 2 of the 3 Exotic Weapon catalysts) I enjoyed reading along the Discord chat as the others talked passionately about Warhammer 40k, only commenting here and there if I felt I had something to contribute. I used to field Tau back when we all played here at my house, but sold them off once the hobby became too tedious and time consuming for me to handle. There was also some D&D talk which is my gaming bread and butter though I haven’t had the time or inclination to play for years.
Then came today.
While taking a rest on the couch, I pick up my phone to find a DM from Alex on Discord telling me he’s left the server. At first I figured he was upset about something that someone had said to him in the chat that I missed, but it turns out he was angry about something someone in the group had said about ME. “So who is this Ben guy? Not to make a fuss but the server was intended for the gaming table” was the message Alex said he got from one of the others. There were a few others in the member list that I didn’t know and hadn’t met in person yet so I’m guessing that it was one of them since he didn’t want to name names. At that point all the motivation I had to get back into gaming with the guys went right out the window after he told me that he explained what my relation was to the people I knew in the group, and he was hoping I’d come with him to game one day, but until then it was getting me used to the group. He then said he asked if we were cool. Nothing. He waited a day and asked again when he knew they were on. Nothing. So he left the server without saying a word. After reading his message, I did the same. It certainly doesn’t make me motivated to get back into tabletop gaming or to even try to associate with people that do anymore. Hell it doesn’t even motivate me to even keep up with the industry anymore anyway, hence why it was so easy for me to just sell off the books I didn’t want anymore. Right this minute I really don’t want the books I’ve kept because I certainly don’t feel welcome in the community.
So much for trying to keep up with so called old friends, right?
Also, there was yesterday. I wrote about the irritating and upsetting revelation I had with Minecraft and for the most part, by the end of yesterday evening, I was mostly over it and at peace with what happened. Then, on my way home from dinner, I get a couple messages from Dire asking if I’d be interested in some more Diablo 3 and I said sure. Once I got home and online however, my interest in the game and my peace of mind was ruined when Dusty decided to make comments about me being angry at how the Minecraft system was set up. It almost made me feel like he was calling me stupid in a sense and that my memorial idea was dumb. I decided instead of picking a fight to just be quiet and play Diablo, but with my mic muted and listening to music on my end. I also decided to spend a few of my character’s unused Paragon points. My Diablo time was also doubly ruined when, upon entering town, I see the mail icon over the box letting me know I had an unopened gift waiting for me. It was from Gerry of all people. The only thing I was interested in at that point was quitting the game and deleting it from my PS4. I felt a mix of anger and hurt at what he said about me and a slight pinch of ‘maybe he feels remorse and wants to apologize’ but I’m not going to bother unblocking him anywhere to find out if he wants to talk or not. I think I’m better off without him.
The next cunt on the list that’s been getting under my skin lately is Whitney. She never asks me anything when she messages me beyond ‘are you coming to my wedding’ and that’s been the whole of our conversations for months. Never asks how I am or how life is or any other thing beyond her stupid fucking wedding. In all brutal honesty I don’t really want to go. I don’t see any reason why I should since no one else that are our mutual friends are going: Jason isn’t going, neither is Glenn and I’m pretty sure that Alex isn’t invited since his ex wife is in the wedding. At this point I feel like unfriending her and Michael both, but I don’t feel like dealing with the shit storm that will ensue when I do, so I just leave them there.