Relationships, part 5
So a few years ago when I was still new to the group Bears and Video Games on Facebook, a rather attractive bear admirer by the name of Rick Cook had caught my eye. He wasn’t a bear himself, but was definitely a fan of us. We added each other as friends and the conversation started out mostly about gaming with the occasional flirt here and there.
He was very sexy. Slender, masculine, a bit furry, brown eyes, goatee. I was definitely in love and lust for this man. Eventually the conversation took on a more serious tone. We exchanged phone numbers and started talking privately there after his partner at the time began to get jealous and upset over his Facebook account, which he closed. He wasn’t going to let that keep him away from me though. We talked about having sex, exchanged nudes and wanted nothing more than the physical presence of each other’s company. He was to be my little spoon.
One night when we were texting, he shocked me by saying “If I knew you were interested, I would definitely re-evaluate my situation.” Well, color me interested.
Things escalated from there. I told him that I was definitely interested and the plan was set that after he broke things off with his partner, he would come to me and we would be together. I told him up front that I wasn’t in the business of being a home wrecker and he said that things between them weren’t going that great anyway so it was no big deal. I had my reservations about that, but decided to press on. The conversation between us continued for months after that eye opening night and the thought sat there in the back of my mind.
What the fuck was I doing? How did I know that he wouldn’t get bored with me too? How did I know he was even telling the truth? I didn’t know the answers to any of these questions. All I knew was that I wanted him and I wanted him to be mine.
Late winter / early spring of 2015 things came to a head. He finally got up the courage to leave his partner, but then the disappointment that I was waiting for, that had been lurking in my mind, finally happened.
One of the last times we texted each other, he sent me a face pic. He had been crying a lot. He told me that after breaking up with his partner, he wanted to take a year to himself and be single. I should have known better. After that day, I didn’t initiate the conversation between us again, I left that in his hands.
A week went by without us talking and he texted me to tell me his father had passed away the week before. I wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or not, but told him I was sorry none the less. He tried to rekindle the talk about is being together, but I just didn’t feel it anymore after that.
I reflected on some of the things he had said from all the times we talked and in retrospect I’m somewhat relieved that it didn’t happen. Often, he would speak of having 3 jobs because “he loved money” and when the job he worked that paid the most let him go due to cutbacks, that’s when things began to fall apart for him. He suddenly wasn’t able to afford this or that and it really started to bother him. I often thought to myself I wonder if he would love me at all or if it would have been a loveless materialistic marriage.
That was about a year ago now. What brought him back to my mind is a bad habit I need to break.
Looking through all the people that ‘liked’ a photo I had posted some time ago on Facebook, which has suddenly garnered more attention due to new “friends”, I saw his face there in the list. And he wasn’t alone in the photo I saw. I opened a new tab to his page, which I assume he had reactivated at some point but I don’t know when, and sure enough he’s in a relationship with someone new.
Admittedly I felt a twinge of jealousy and spite when I saw this, but decided that clicking the ‘add friend’ button next to his name in the list of strangers was a Pandora’s Box that was better left closed. Hopefully he’ll be happy and satisfied with this one I thought as I closed the tab and went back to drown myself in more Facebook narcissism before thinking about writing this.
So now you’re back
So you had your fun
And now you’re coming around again
Sure baby, I should let you in
So you can let me down again
Well, it doesn’t really matter
What you say or do
You can tell me that you love me
But I know it ain’t true