What I’m Listening To, part 12


The way these posts work is, I’m going to post the lyrics with my thoughts in between the lines like this.


Alanis Morissette – Would Not Come

If I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
If I am hardened no fear of further abandonment


This is why I’m so hard to get to know or to let people in – abandonment.  But at this point I’m so used to being abandoned or just tossed aside that it doesn’t really hurt me anymore.  Not like it used to anyway.


If I am famous then maybe I’ll feel good in this skin


If I’m famous then maybe I won’t feel as ugly, or stop thinking that my body is hideous.  Then again after the Facebook fiasco, maybe not.


If I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect

I would throw a party still
It would not come
I would bike run swim and still
It would not come
I’d go traveling and still
It would not come
I would starve myself and still
It would not come

If I am masculine I will be taken more seriously
If I take a break it would make me irresponsible
If I’m elusive I will surely be sought after often
If I need assistance then I must be incapable


This.  All of this.  If I’m masculine I’ll be taken more seriously by others and by other gay men.  If I take a break at work, I’m looked down upon.  If I want some fucking alone time or time to myself, fuckers come out of the wood work to bother me or ask me for something.  And if I need help then I’m just not capable of doing anything right, am I?


I’d be filthy rich and still
It would not some
I would seduce then and still
It would not come
I would drink vodka and still
It would not come
I’d have an orgasm and still
It wouldn’t come

If I accumulate knowledge
I’ll be impenetrable


The smartest guy in the room is usually also the invincible guy in the room.


If I am aloof no one will know
When they strike a nerve


If I put up a front then no one will know when they’ve actually gotten to me or gotten through my defenses.


If I keep my mouth shut the boat
Will not have to be rocked


If I don’t pick a fight, then there won’t be any fighting.  Period.  Even when something pisses me off.


If I am vulnerable I will be
Trampled upon


Every time I let someone in, I get hurt or I will get hurt.  So don’t be vulnerable or let anyone through your defenses and you’ll never get hurt again.


I would go shopping and still
It would not come
I’d leave the country and still
It would not come
I would scream and rebel and still
It would not come
I would stuff my face and still
It would not come

I’d be productive and still it would not come
I’d be celebrated still it would not come
I’d be the hero and still it would not come
I’d renunciate and still it would not come


For the record, she’s talking about happiness.